| Dr. PF: What's your name and what do you do in the band and for fun?
M. Shadows: I sing.
Zacky: I play guitar and fuck little girls... and drink.
Dr. PF: Amen to that one.
Daemeon: I play bass and I kick people's asses.
[Everyone laughs at Daemeon.]
Snodgrass: Whose asses do you kick?
Daemeon: Drunken fucks.
The Rev: I'm The Rev...I play drums.
Dr. PF: Why did you decide to start a band?
The Rev: We didn't.
Shadows: We didn't.
The Rev: We just were a band one day. We woke up and in the morning we were a band.
Shadows: We had full length.
The Rev: We had a show...
Shadows: I think we started just to kind of express what we were thinking musically. We had different ideas about what was out there so we decided to start something and see what we could do.
Dr. PF: What gives you the right to call yourselves "Heavy Fucking Metal?"
Zacky: We have pins that say "Fuck Hardcore."
Shadows: That's so bad...
The Rev: What gives Dr. Pillowfucker the right to ask us that stupid question?
[Everyone laughs at the Doctor.]
Dr. PF: What or who are your main influences?
Shadows: I think we all have different main influences... should we just go down the line?
Everyone: Slayer.
Shadows: Influences... I dunno. Anything from Pantera to disembodied to Iron Maiden to Guns 'n' Roses to any kind of good rock band I guess.
Daemeon: It's all about hip-hop.
Zacky: I like hip-hop, I like yay music.
The Rev: Slayer and Andrew W.K. down the line.
Shadows: This is the worst interview in history. No, not from you guys, on our part.
Dr. PF: How did the Hopeless Records thing come about and how's everything going with that?
Shadows: Basically we recorded our album for Goodlife, and Ramone, the guy who was mastering our album showed it to Luis.
Shadows Mom: When are you going to Vegas?
Shadows: We're in the middle of an interview.
Shadows Mom: Oh.
The Rev: You're done for...
Shadows: Please go inside I'll talk to you later.
[Everyone laughs/giggles.]
Shadows: Oh no.
The Rev: No sound bites for that one.
Shadows: So basically Ramone showed it to Luis, who owns Hopeless Records. I guess he'd been hearing a lot about it, blah blah blah, came to see a bunch of shows, and since we were getting the shit-end of the Goodlife deal, so we switched labels.
Zacky: They're treating us very good.
Shadows: Yeah they're treating us great, couldn't ask for more.
Dr. PF: What do you guys do all day when you're not on tour?
Zacky: Oh no...
The Rev: Be alcoholics...
Shadows: Be alcoholics.
Daemeon: Watch Porn.
Shadows: Watch lots of porn. Work out every day! Get huge!
The Rev: For hours! Work out baby!
Dr. PF: Okay, what was your favorite band in the 5th grade?
Shadows: 5th grade... Slayer, NOFX, and Pantera.
The Rev: Those were pretty much mine too. Throw in Metallica and Guns 'n' Roses.
Daemeon: Metallica and Judas Priest.
Zacky: Metallica and Roses.
The Rev: Every 5th grader's favorite band is Metallica.
Shadows: Guns 'n' Roses for sure.
Dr. PF: Would you rather be able to have sex any time you want with a really ugly chick, or be able to have sex for one week out of your entire life with any girl you want?
Shadows: Dameon would rather have sex with the ugly chick because he does it all the time.
Zacky: One week out of my entire life... and then I'd jerk off for the rest of it.
Shadows: One week.
The Rev: Just videotape it.
Dr. PF: With who?
Shadows: I'm staying mute on this one.
The Rev: Gwen Stefani.
Daemeon: Gwen Stefani if she had fake tits.
Zacky: I'll fuck Natalie Imbruglia.
The Rev: Gwen's perfect. Gwen for a week, easy.
Dr. PF: What's your best tour story?
The Rev: Which one... where we set a state on fire or...
[Everyone laughs.]
Daemeon: There was before the tour, when at the Dennys...
The Rev: Olympic Gardens baby.
Daemeon: That wasn't on tour was it?
The Rev: There's so many.
Shadows: We set Utah on fire...
Zacky: We had 8 run-ins with the law in 7 days...
The Rev: What about the being naked in the liquor store? I was naked in the liquor store and...
Shadows: And it was 12 degrees
The Rev: And it was 12 degrees in Denver.
Snodgrass: Why were you naked in the liquor store?
The Rev: Cause I was getting a rush off the cold.
Dr. PF: What are your favorite bands or albums of all time?
The Rev: Mr. Bungle- self-titled. And the Oingo Boingo live album.
Shadows: Anything by Guns 'n' Roses.
Zacky: Use Your Illusion Part 2
Daemeon: Ride The Lightning by Metallica
The Rev: Yeah!
Dr. PF: Alright. Does anyone in the band have excessive back or ass hair?
Shadows: We all do.
Daemeon: I've got like ton's of ass hair.
Shadows: Shit Dog's got ass hair all over his body. Zack probably does too.
Zacky: My back's alright. My ass gets shaven often, so...
[Everyone laughs.]
Snodgrass: You get that shit waxed or what?
Zacky: No, that's a little embarrassing.
Shadows: Zacky Vengeance shaves his ass.
Zacky: Waxing's far too embarrassing.
Daemeon: Do it like a man.
Dr. PF: I know I'm cursed in that area. Alright, uh, here's a good one. What's your favorite fetish?
Daemeon: Anal sex.
The Rev: No, what are you talking about, it's either bestiality or pedophilism.
Shadows: Pedo-what?
Snodgrass: Pedophilism.
Shadows: Oh yeah.
Daemeon: Ohh yeah.
Snodgrass: Zacky?
The Rev: He likes scat, but just for fun.
Shadows: Scat for fun. Scat-man.
[Everyone laughs.]
Dr. PF: Do you like the "Dirty Sanchez?"
Zacky: No. Not really.
Shadows: No.
Daemeon: Nah.
Shadows: No, just for fun.
[Everyone laughs.]
Shadows: Just to look at. It's not fun when you get involved.
Dr. PF: My fetish is fuckin' pillows. I'm Dr. Pillowfucker.
Shadows: I used to do that when I was younger.
Zacky: Really?
Shadows: You fuck anything you can, dude. You're a little kid.
Zacky: Socks.
Shadows: Zacky fucked socks.
Snodgrass: What's wrong with fucking socks?
Shadows: Nothing's wrong with it.
Snodgrass: You got some place for it to go.
Shadows: Everyone does it. Everyone just lies about it.
Snodgrass: Would you cut a hole in your pillow, fill it with lotion and fuck it?
Shadows: Of course I would. I would do just about anything possible.
Sleeve: Yeah, but would you wear the women's underwear?
Dr. PF: Yeah, there's a difference...
Shadows: No... I don't think I would. Too big.
Zacky: Cold. It would be too cold.
Shadows: I'm too hung for women's underwear.
Dr. PF: Do you have any nicknames for each other?
Daemeon: Shit Dog.
Everyone: Shit Dog!
Zacky: We've got Rev-dog.
Shadows: Slim-Bob. The Rev has a lot: Flexi-Bob, Slim-Bob, Sulla-bin Laden. My nickname's "Hot Stud."
[Everyone laughs.]
Shadows: Sysnyster's name is "Hot Buffy Sex Dude."
Zacky: Zacky Vagina.
Shadows: Zacky Vagina. All these kids are gonna be calling us that now. They're gonna read this and...
Dr. PF: I don't think that many people see this site. Ok, if the band was a high school yearbook, what would each band member be voted "Most Likely To?"
Zacky: Shit Dog would be voted most likely to get lost.
[Everyone laughs.]
Shadows: Most likely to suffocate from fucking overweight chicks.
[Everyone laughs at Dameon again.]
Sleeve: Fat girls need love too.
Dr. PF: Hey, it's more cushion for the pushin'.
Shadows: That's right.
[The Reverend turns around and everyone notices that one of the lenses fell out of his glasses, and he stands there with a bewildered look on his face. Everyone laughs a lot.]
The Rev: Most likely to get caught jerkin' off in public without being aware of it. Jerking off in the library was just going too far.
Shadows: It's true... I'd be most likely to get caught jerking off too.
The Rev: What about most likely to become Dr. Pillowfucker?
[Everyone laughs.]
Snodgrass: Zacky doesn't have one yet...
Zacky: Go ahead guys...
Shadows: Most likely to get AIDS.
The Rev: For sure.
Zacky: Too late...
[Everyone laughs.]
Shadows: Zacky's got the "hiv" for sure.
Dr. PF: Which band member has the smallest balls?
Shadows: Zacky V.
Daemeon: Two inches. Balls are tiny.
The Rev: Balls are dangly. Tiny cock.
Dr. PF: What's the skankiest girl you've ever been with, and when you went to fuck her did her pussy snap at you like a Venus Fly Trap?
Daemeon: Every girl I've ever been with!
The Rev: What about the five dollar hooker, dude?
Dr. PF: That's overpaying!
Zacky: Slim-Bob's five dollar hooker.
The Rev: Five dollar crackhead. Five dollars and two cigarettes was the price actually.
Shadows: It's true.
The Rev: There's this weird abscess she's got at the back of Pic 'n' Save.
Dr. PF: What's the best part about being in a band?
Snodgrass: Five dollar hookers?
Zacky: Free Hookers.
Shadows: Free hookers?
The Rev: Girls and money. Anything but the music is the best part.
Dr. PF: Since you got your name from the bible, what are your thoughts on organized religion?
Shadows: Fuck it.
The Rev: Fuck it dude!
Daemeon: Fuck it.
Zacky: Fuck it!
Shadows: We can never be serious... what's wrong with us?
Snodgrass: Like the questions are real serious...
Shadows: Ok, we're being serious from now on.
The Rev: Organized religion... cocaine...
Shadows: Cocaine is an organized religion.
The Rev: I think it's a good preying ground. It's like organized hunting. Enclosed hunting grounds, you know?
Shadows: People are gonna hate our guts after this. I love it.
Daemeon: The next Ted Nugent for sure... The Rev's gonna be the next Ted Nugent.
Dr. PF: OK, next question: If you woke up one morning in the van and discovered your pillow covered in lotion-filled holes and dick juice, what would you do?
Zacky: Start socking Shit Dog.
[Everyone laughs at Dameon.]
Shadows: Start socking the shit out of Shit Dog.
Dr. PF: Is there a new album in the works, and if so how's it coming along?
The Rev: Wow, a real question.
Daemeon: There's three songs.
Shadows: Yeah, there are songs coming along. It's up to what we think is good. We have very high expectations for it.
Daemeon: And so far every song is like at least six minutes long. Eight song CD...
Shadows: And it would still be long.
Dr. PF: Alright, next one. If you could castrate or sterilize one human being, who would it be and why?
Daemeon: Rod Stewart... I hate that fucker.
Zacky: Dr. Pillowfucker.
Everyone: Dr. Pillowfucker!
The Rev: Dr. Pillowfucker for sure.
Shadows: And Snodgrass.
Snodgrass: Fuck you.
Daemeon: Rod Stewart... I hate that guy.
Zacky: Naked Nature Boy.
Shadows: Naked Nature Boy's going down. You're going down Naked Nature Boy.
Dr. PF: Alright, here's word association time. Say the first word that comes to your mind. Goat:
The Rev: Chicken.
[Everyone laughs.]
Shadows: Tell Christy that we hate his guts.
Zacky: Goatasaurus Goat.
Shadows: Goat Chicken is it.
Dr. PF: Razor:
Daemeon: Ramone
Shadows: Wrist
The Rev: V12
Zacky: V12... haha. Cocaine.
The Rev: Cocaine is V12.
Shadows: For all you fucks out there.
Dr. PF: Electricity:
The Rev: V12!!!!!!!!!
Dr. PF: Electricity:
Shadows: Pricey Bill
Zacky: Reverend's hair.
Daemeon: My cock.
The Rev: Too late for my first word. Now I've got a million of 'em.
Snodgrass: What was the first word?
The Rev: I dunno.
Dr. PF: Condom:
Zacky: Fuck that!
Shadows: Unnecessary
Daemeon: "Bitch, you best be on the pill or you're having my baby."
Dr. PF: Scissors:
Zacky: Rock.
Shadows: Hair
Zacky: Crack rock.
Dr. PF: Forest:
Daemeon: Fire.
Shadows: I was thinking a dirty chick. A forest of pubic hair.
Zacky: Toilet paper.
Dr. PF: Ball:
Shadows: What?
Dr. PF: Ball.
Daemeon: Ball?
Dr. PF: Yeah.
Shadows: Basketball.
Dr. PF: Cheese:
Shadows: Stomach.
The Rev: E Interview. Get it?
Zacky: Shit Dog's elbow.
Dr. PF: Chainsaw:
The Rev: You know it was Shadows in her bedroom, so don't try to hide it.
Shadows: Yeah right I'm thinking about Shit Dog's head.
Dr. PF: Pencil:
Zacky: Dick.
Shadows: Ass.
Daemeon: Pencil-ass!
Zacky: Eraser.
The Rev: I'm gonna do the clinical version of this.
Shadows: Me too. Let's go.
Dr. PF: Drama:
Zacky: Queen.
Shadows: Queen, me too.
Daemeon: Bitches.
Shadows: Hardcore scene.
Dr. PF: Scrotum:
The Rev: Lip.
[Everyone laughs.]
Zacky: Sack.
Shadows: Chin.
The Rev: Alright this is getting fun now. When you answer for real and don't think about it, it's kinda cool.
Dr. PF: Alright, any last words?
Zacky: No, ask more questions.
Shadows: We're serious now... let's start over.
Snodgrass: Candle.
The Rev: Wax.
Daemeon: Stick.
Dr. PF: Light:
The Rev: Lightsaber!
Zacky: Weapon!
Shadows: This is the worst fucking interview.
The Rev: Arch-dictatorship.
Dr. PF: How about "Big Floppy Pussy?"
Daemeon: I think of your face.
Shadows: Madonna.
Zacky: OK, now it's time for the real interview.
Dr. PF: Any last words or shoutouts?
[The Reverend farts.]
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